if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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