He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
whose parrot is this?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
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