Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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