It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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