you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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