I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Boobs speak an international language.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
