Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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