Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
