there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
