I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
