and next time when you feel me up, do it right
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
