you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
