And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
