yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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