my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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