and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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