she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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