I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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