It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
