how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
