I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Randomize
