careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
