We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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