yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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