im six kinds of drunk right now
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
