I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
