I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Randomize
