peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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