Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Randomize
