Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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