I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I am midnight drunk by noon
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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