im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
well most of my day revolves around power hour
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
