I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
