Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
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