I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
