i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Ladies don't puke and tell
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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