Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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