I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
