I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
