I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize
