sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Still dying that you shit outside
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
