It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize