Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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