i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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