Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
