are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
