I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
