and i looked up. we had an audience...
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
