she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
