she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
