I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
