What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
