Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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