How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Randomize
