I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
