Small penises have feelings too.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
