i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
