We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
