Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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