i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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