Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
