She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
