I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
