I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
