In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
