you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
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