Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
no you cant smoke seaweed
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
