apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
