They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
