There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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