Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
