i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
