Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize