I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
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