the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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