You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
