I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
