just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
