i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
