I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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